Positive Thinking

I am sure I will talk about positive thinking over and over again till I finally get it...
Hopefully I will finally get it! But positive thinking is magic! It can help you succeed and give you a boost to finish projects.
It gives you motivation and encouragement. If we could live without fear and with only positive thinking our lives would be exactly how we wanted them to be.
But why do we not think positively? Why do I sometimes do the "yeah of course this would happen" thought process instead? Sometimes I find myself doing this and then I get upset with myself which is totally unhelpful. But there it is...
It's odd how many people will foo foo the positive thinking. You will say something happy and uplifting and they say something balloon popping and say that it's just "reality" and the sooner you realize it the sooner you will be happy. Which honestly doesn't make any sense. I am happier thinking that the world is wonderful and that people are ultimately good and kind and want to help other people. Yes sometimes it's hard to see it because people don't always act good and kind...but then when you see that one person doing something nice it really makes your day.
Why don't we do that more often?
Also sometimes good stuff is right in front of us and we don't see it because we are too stuck looking at our feet...sometimes I think that I am more attractive to someone because I look tragic and sad. I don't know why...
But then I think "hey I'm not tragic and sad and I don't necessarily need someone to ride in and save me. In fact I am happy I should just be happy and not care what other people think when they see me!" yes it's a long thought...but it happens
If I could master the not-caring-what-other-people-think-about-me talent I would be so happy! It would keep me from fearing certain things and I would start to think positively!
Ah Ha!
So the key is to think positively be fearless and not care what other people think about you!
easy....

Fear Factor

It's funny how many things we do or don't do out of fear.
Sometimes when one stops and looks at the situation they realize that
they are afraid of something.
I find myself being afraid of many things, and when I see that I am afraid
I look more closely at it and sometimes find that it is irrational.
It actually helps me to make decisions better, and make good ones too!
"It" being the dissecting the fear and seeing it with the lights on...so to speak.
Sometimes I just get caught up in the moment, do you think I will ever learn to
calm down and walk away till I can deal with it with a clearer head?
normally I have to be advised to walk away and calm down.
Well it's something to work for...
wow it's weird how much fear controls me! I hate it! I give it so much power...
In every facet of my life...I just stopped and thought about it. It's everywhere...from what I wear, where I work, what I eat, what I let Ainsley do, what I talk about, how I deal with people.
what would happen if I stopped fearing things?

I am so lost. I will admit it, I have no idea what to do? well that is not precisely true...I have some ideas of what to do. But I think my pride has gotten in the way of thinking clearly. But this will somehow end for the better. I am guessing the current job I have must be no good for me and although I have huge doubts that the company I am going to try to work for won't be much better, maybe I will be able to focus on my family and school. perhaps staying at my current job would make me divided on my focusing...and I do have some problems with staying focused! ah ha!
who knows? at this point all I want is to have a job that I enjoy enough to be able to muscle through it, for it to pay enough that I can pay my bills and then some, and I would be able to spend time with Ainsley and be able to focus on school.
I guess I need to focus on the future because right now is only for right now if I so choose.
I know that when change happens to me it's never subtle. Alas...it likes to kick me in the ass...hey that rhythms!
but things always turn out for the best and this is for the best.
so here I go! into the future that is very much unknown...but it will be good...
and who knows what will happen in this adventure...

Moving Trees

I read that one shouldn't try to move trees instead one should just walk around them...
I thought it was very good advice and a nice piece of wisdom.
I do a lot of trying to "move trees", I worry about things that might or could or should or maybe happen...ironically the more I focus on the maybes or mights the more probable they will happen.
What if instead I just decided to let life be, to want what I want, to allow myself to feel what I feel without judgment (from myself) and see how that changes my way of living.
I find that I am the harshest critic of myself, in fact I imagine people thinking things about me that they probably (hopefully) don't. Why am I so mean to myself? I am not the only one, I have been around many people that I hear say nasty things about or to themselves. And it always makes me sad for them...well and for myself...
I was worrying about what this blog would sound like...if it sounded whiny and pathetic...but then I remembered that no one has to read it and I am just using this as a sounding board for my thoughts.
So on that note I will post this and think more about moving trees...
hehe

my first post

I want to start this blog on a positive note...
But I'm creating this blog feeling quite despondent so I will try to do my best.
I heard some great wisdom the other day, and that was to have better self esteem and to always capitalize your "I"s. This was in reference to the nowadays texting and emailing but I thought it was very wise. So I'm going to make a concerted effort to capitalize my "I"s from now on.
It is odd how people do things they don't want to do out of a strange guilty feeling. Why are they feeling guilty about it in the first place? If something is making you feel guilty then maybe you should look more closely at the whole situation instead of just caving in and doing it.
I say this as if I don't do this exact thing...I do...but I would like to try to stop feeling guilty so much and to do only things that are productive to mine and my families life.
well it's something for me to work on eh?